Answering machine saga
by Shirosenshi Kisetsu 116
Summary: A small short story for my highschool fic! It has Link and Kai/Dark Link and Shigen... And a telephone... Yesh...
1. Chapter 1

"So what happens if someone calls and we're not here to answer the phone?"

"Kai... Why do you worry about things like that? It will go to the answering machine..."

Kai prodded the phone with his index finger. "Do we even have an answering machine?"

Link shrugged. "Who knows, I've never heard an answering machine."

"Do you think Shigen will know?"

"Why are you asking me? Do I look like him?"

"Not at all." Kai stood up from the table and left the kitchen.

Link stared at the phone. _Does anyone even call us?_

Kai reappeared after a few minutes, dragging a very sleepy Shigen with him.

"Shadow... Do you understand the words 'do not disturb...?"

Kai sat him down at the table then picked up the phone, tossing it from hand to hand. "Yeah. Why?"

"There was a sign on my bedroom door that said that..."

"Why the fuck would I stop and take the time to read a sign? This is my house you know."

"Actually Kai, it's in my name."

"Damn."

Shigen hit his head against the table. _So tiered... _

"Well emo! I brought you out here for a reason." Kai put the phone down and started shaking the poor emo kid.

"And what reason would that be...? And you can stop shaking me now dumb ass..."

Kai stopped and sat down in the chair beside him. "We want to know if we have an answering machine!"

"Personal space being invaded..."

"I'm not moving until you tell us."

"How did you guys survive so long in this world?"

Link shook his head. "I have no clue."

"Well I need a cell phone or something..."

Kai took his black one out of his pocket and handed it to him. "I have like... 5, so you can have this one."

"Sweet... black... Anyways..."

Shigen dialed their number.

Link and Kai stared at the phone intensely, both of them jumped when it rang.

Kai covered his ears. "Ouch! That fucking kills!"

The phone continued to ring for several minutes before Shigen finally terminated the call.

"I'm sorry to report this... But you have no answering machine..."

Kai pouted. "How do we get one?"

Shigen picked up the house phone and started pressing a bunch of random buttons.

"Ok... When it makes a beeping sound... you leave your little message..."

"What do we say?"

"I don't know... Your names... and say something like you're to busy to come to the phone..."

Link sighed. "It sounds easy enough."

"Are you two ready...?"

Kai whacked him over the head. "You have to say something too! You live here."

"Fine..."

**Beep!**

They all stayed silent.

/"Hero, you say something first."

"Sure... Um, this is Link and..."

"Kai!"

"Shigen..."

"And...

"We're too busy having an orgy right now, so please call back later."

"Kai!"

"People are going to think we're sick in the head..."

"Damn crooked!"\

**Beep!**

They all stared at the phone in silence.

"Can I go back to sleep now...?"

"Go ahead Shigen, I'll hold Kai down if he tries to stop you."

Shigen quickly left the table.

Kai smirked and started running after him, but was stopped when Link jumped on his back, throwing them both to the floor.

"Rape!"

"Oh you know you would love it."

"Probably."

**Later that night**

"_Guys? It's me Zelda! What the hell is with your answering machine? You don't screw each other that much do you?_

_Damn... I got a nosebleed! Thanks a lot!_

_Oh hey Ganny-pooh! Woah! That's my ass your grabbing!_

_Sorry guys! Got to go!"_

**Click**

* * *

So here's a one shot! This is part one... There's more heh heh... I don't think I'll be able to get a chapter up this weekend... Thanks giving and my sisters birthday...

So I loves you all! And see you next weekend! Or maybe sometime during the week...

Zeinne!


	2. Chapter 2

Yeps, part two... Don't know how long this is going to go on.. Was supposed to be a one shot xD

* * *

**Beep!**

/ "_Shigen? It's Ryuk... Do you live with those people? Bunch of weirdo's... You better pray the teachers don't call...So are you free tomorrow? I was thinking we could catch a movie. Well call me when you get this."/_

**Beep!**

"Ooo, Shigen just got asked out on a date!"

"Well at least I can get a date..."

"Shut up! Link doesn't like being out in public!"

"With you maybe..."

"Ok you two, major headache coming on."

Link placed the homemade pizza he cooked for dinner in front of them, hoping to shut them up with food.

Kai shoved a fork full into his mouth and continued talking. "I wanna change our message."

Link seated him self at the table and rolled his eyes at the shadow's bad manners. "Why? The one we have now is good enough."

"No it's not. It's lacking... I don't know, maybe we should start having random phone sex?"

"No, we should attempt making a normal message."

Shigen stared at them both with flat eyes. "For one... Shadow... just... no... And sexy... normal is impossible with you two..."

The phone rang again. After their massage played, Zelda's voice filled the kitchen.

_/"Omg! You guys! I'm calling everyday now just to hear that stupid message! It's so epic! Oh, just a sec, Ganny pooh wants to talk to you!"_

"_Hey Link... I just joined this new fencing club, and it's the shit! You have to join too, but not that crazy boyfriend of yours. He's a freak. Why does he dress up as you again?_

_Anyways, here's Zelda."_

"_Link! You should definitely go! You and Ganny pooh would get along great!_

_See ya!"/_

Link was staring at the phone horrified. "Definitely not."

Kai snorted, and since his mouth was full of food, some shot out his nose. "Ouch! Sauce burns!"

"Shadow... That was absolutely disgusting..."

"Ouch, ouch, ouch..."

Link moved his plate out of the rang of fire an sighed. "I think we should try a normal message. I don't want Zelda calling every day. Not when Ganon's there anyways."

Shigen picked up the phone and pressed the magical buttons.

"There... Now record you message at the beep..."

"Now?"

**Beep!**

/Ah shit! Ok, you've reached Link.

Shigen and...

Om nom nom!

What the hell is om nom nom?

What? I was chewing... And Kai!

And-

Link's to sexy for his shirt!

No-

I like cookies?

No-

The province of Alberta has been officially free of rats since 1905...?

Shigen? What the hell dude.

No! We're not here right now!

Not in the head at least...

Why cant we be normal like everyone else?

Sexy... I thought I explained that...

Zomg! Peoples! Call back laterz!

Thank you Kai.

Love you\

**Beep!**

"I think it's quite possible that that message was more horrible then our last one..."

"Emo...Just shut up..."

"Link? Did you just call Shigen emo?"

"Did you just call Shigen, Shigen?"

"I think we should just drop this conversation..."

"Agreed."

* * *

xD Om nom nom!

Until next time!

Zeinne


	3. Chapter 3

I have no idea when this message recording takes place... Just guess... And also! This will be the last one! Gotta work on the high school fic! And various others I'm planing! All of them Zelda fics. I gotta get into the FF7 mood.... -drools over Zack and Cloud-

* * *

Link was doing what he usually did on Sunday's, well not every Sunday, just some Sunday's. Relaxing on the couch.

_This is nice... I wonder how long Shigen can keep Kai away from the house...? _

He chuckled.

_Right.... Not for much longer...._The telephone rang, breaking the almost eerie silence.

_I'll just let it go to the answering machine..._

Link would later regret that choice.

**Beep!**

/Some wherrrreeeeeee.... Over the rainboooowwww.....

And...

Emo how does it go again?

Why the hell are you asking me..?

I don't know.

Just finish your song shadow....

Fine!

...

Um...

And under it toooooooooooo!

Oh god... Just stop...

I will! In a sec! Wait!

...

I forget what I'm supposed to say.

Call back later....

Right! Do what Shigen just said!

Sexy is going to kill us when he hears this...

Damn crooked./

**Beep!**

_/"Um... Kai... Some advice.. Never, under any circumstances, sing again!"_

"_Sorry about that Kai, Ganny pooh's just jealous. But... Maybe you should have sticked to the last message. It was great! Anyways, I'm just calling to say hi! Link? You there? Ganny says that you're avoiding him. So talk to him tomorrow at school Ok? Got to go! Bye!"/_

It took Link a while to figure out what happened. A while being a few hours. And by the time he got over his shock....

"We're home!!!!"

"Shut up shadow..."

"Liiink! Where are you?"

Kai skidded into the living room and pounced on the hero who was still lying on the couch.

"Here you are. So, were you lonely? Did you miss me? Why is your mouth open like that? Are you having naughty dreams about Ganondork?"

Link closed his mouth and glared up at his darker self.

"What did the message machine say?"

Shigen laughed and ran into his room, locking the door behind him.

"Oh! I made a new massage. It was epic! Why? Did someone call?"

"Yes, unfortunately."

"Am I a good singer?"

"Kai... Go erase that message now please."

"O-ok... since you said please and everything..."

Kai stood and shuffled over to the phone.

Shigen poked his head into the living room. "Is it safe to come out now...?"

"Shut up for a sec emo!"

**Beep!**

/No Kai don't!

Yo! This is Kai, Link, and Shigen! We're too damn busy to pick up the phone .. or come to it... Or both... So leave your annoying message that we'll probably never reply to, and call back later. Peace!

Oh.. And I'm not wearing any underwear today!/

**Beep!**

"Wow shadow... That one was almost normal..."

"I can act normal every once in a while."

* * *

Yes! I'm finished this little saga!

So... What would you say if you called their house and heard that message?

My response would be

"... Wow... just, wow...."

xD

It will be interesting to hear your answers!

Until next time!

Zeinne!


	4. Chapter 4

Hmmm, so Aya pointed it out.

Yes I'm this stupid!

This story is called the answering machine _saga. _And so far, it's a trilogy, so I typed up one more chapter, and this time! Guess what! Those who left responses to the messages, your responses are here! XD

Is she the only one who caught that? O.o

Oh, this takes place after they get back from their March break!

* * *

Link and Kai were snuggled up on the couch with each other watching a movie of epic proportions.

Shigen was sitting beside them, not really paying attention.

**Ring!**

The emo glared at the device that had disrupted his reading time. _Oh great.. here we go..._

**Beep!**

_**/**__Hey there, this is Link-_

_The Dink!_

_Shut up Kai._

_And Shigen..._

_The emo who thinks he is not an emo!_

_Go to hell shadow..._

_And me of course! Kai!_

_The obnoxious ass hole..._

_Fuck you Shigen!_

_No thanks... I have a boyfriend.... _

_Err..._

_You guys, please act normal? And were not here to take your call right now because-_

_We're either having sex in the sky on an airplane, or an orgy in Edgymon!_

_Shadow... what the hell is Edgymon...?_

_Isn't that what the place is called?_

_Um... Kaiten, it's Edmonton._

_Oh..._

_What were we talking about?_

_I believe we were attempting to leave a message sexy..._

_Right, sorry. Just call us back after March break, we'll be here._

_Damn crooked!_

_Oh god..._

_I fucked the hero, and I liked it!_

_I think I'm going to go chase after my sanity now.../_

**Beep!**

"_Link? You dink... you like to wear pink! And Kai... I can't think of anything that rhymes with your name, and I don't think anything rhymes with Shigen, but! This is Aya calling! Uber epic awesomeness! I'm just calling to remind you to check your messages, because they're probably building up, you guys have way to many fan girls, and fan boys... But call me back! Seeing as you haven't replied to my last message -insert random number here!- Bai!"_

**Click!**

They all stared at the phone awkwardly.

Shigen was the first to speak. "Who the hell is Aya...?"

Kai shrugged and went back to nuzzled Link's neck. "Some random fan girl? She must think I'm too sexy for my shirt."

Link reached past Shigen and pressed the 'replay message button'. "Might as well listen to her advice."

"_First massage."_

**Beep!**

"_Um... Link? How about you not let Kai participate in the massages anymore? Anyway Linky, I need to talk to you soon, this is Krystal. Call me back at -insert random number- Thanks... and... I HATE SHIGEN!"_

**Beep!**

Shigen placed a hand over his heart. "Ouch... I believe if I had emotions... I would be experiencing pain right now..."

"_Second message."_

**Beep!**

"_..."_

**Click!**

**Beep!**

Link pushed Kai playfully. "Look! You scared that person away! They're probably mentally scarred for like."

Kai flipped his hair. "All in a days work my love."

"_Third message."_

**Beep!**

"_Wow... just wow..."_

**Beep!**

Shigen tilted his head to the side. "Who was that...?"

"_Fourth message"_

**Beep!**

"_Hey my lovelies~ Yes I know it awkward calling you when we're all in Edmonton together, but I'm soooooooooooo bored! I mean! Like, Kotomi left me all by myself on the side of the road with a sign that said 'take me, I'm free' and then a bunch of girls started running after me (Most of them dressed as guys) wanting be to make some yaoi scenes between Aidou and Kaname... Who the heck is Kaname? Is it a girl? I hope so! And you guys disappeared and I was unable to locate you anywhere! Why does no one love me? Am I not sexy enough? Must I rape Shigen to get attention?"_

**Beep!**

Link raised an eyebrow and turned to Shigen. "Why is it that he always hits on you when he's pretending? I personally think he has some secret thing for you."

"_Fifth message"_

**Beep!**

"_...."_

"_Wow... That was awkward!"_

**Beep!**

Shigen face palmed. "Yeah, you should try living with the awkwardness every day..."

"_Sixth message"_

Kai grabbed onto his hair and growled. "Is there no fucking end to these?

**Beep!**

"_HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"_

"_..."_

"_HA HA HA HA HA H-"_

**Click!**

**Beep!**

Link let out a tiered sigh, not sure if he wanted to listen to the rest of the messages.

"_Seventh message."_

**Beep!**

"_Wow, Zelda's right, you guys are crazy. And I thought you guys all looked normal."_

"_Who knows, maybe Shigen and I can get some coffee sometime."_

"_Aha~ I'm only joking!"_

"_Anyways... Maybe we can all chill sometime, call me back! -insert random number here-"_

"_Oh yeah, my names Aya by the way."_

**Beep!**

Shigen sent his most evil glare at it. "Not ... on.. your.... life..."

"_Eighth message"_

**Beep!**

"_Link? When will you be getting that collar for Kai? He needs one... And a really short chain."_

**Beep!**

Shigen actually smiled as the message ended, he looked at Link who was about as red as a tomato. "So sexy...? Maybe you should call that person back and explain in great detail what you do with the collars you do have..."

"No thanks."

* * *

And that's it!

Let's see, if you're wondering who the messages are left by.

1: Krystal

2: Darkrivermori

3: Me! Kisetsu!

4: Koal..

5: AkumuKitty9797

6: LazEd is luv

7: Aya again

8: tails doll curse

You like? This is the last one for this random side project!!!!

-emo hearts for you all!

Bai!


End file.
